The Coon/Quotes

This page lists all notable quotes spoken by The Coon (Eric Cartman) in South Park: The Fractured But Whole.

Overview
The Coon's quotes largely revolve around his superhero persona; he often makes references to his animal namesake and refers himself in the third person.

He sometimes acts self-centered, most notably when his allies are targeted by buffing abilities. He also seems to like making fun on other allies, especially when Human Kite (Kyle Broflovski) or Call Girl (Wendy Testaburger), calling them inferior to himself.

Unsurprisingly, most of the superheroes point out that Mitch Conner, the eventual main villain of the game's plot, is a mere act by The Coon, due to him speaking with the same voice and his alter-ego's known talent of ventriloquism. The Coon however vehemently denies it, constantly stating that he has no control over Mitch, and that he is acting entirely of his own accord.

Field/Story

 * During The Hundred Hands of Chaos
 * "Coon and Friends! Butters, God damnit!"
 * During The Chaos Gambit
 * "Dude, what the fuck are you doing here you're supposed to be a butt-fucking traitor!"
 * "OK, get the fuck out there "Freedom Pal," come on!"
 * During The Thin White Line, Jared not spared
 * "Wow, dude, that was hardcore."
 * "All right, well, that was pretty uncomfortable."
 * During The Thin White Line, basement
 * "New Kid, find the key! Hurry!"
 * ""Find the key! Hurry!" I said. Yet you're standing here."
 * "C'mon, get the key, Jesus fuck!"
 * During Freedom Calling
 * "I'll prove my innocence, you assholes!"
 * During To Catch a Coon
 * "So what, I just have to watch you eat, is that it? I'm not afraid..."
 * "Guys, I really wish we could wrap this up."
 * "Hey, I got an idea! Why don't we start looking for the New Kid's parents."
 * "This is a waste of time. We should going after the bad guy."
 * "This is so weak."
 * "Broccoli... I'm not afraid of broccoli. It gets a bad rap, if you ask me." (if The New Kid selects the broccoli during the torture on The Coon)
 * "Is that a cuttlefish? I prefer salmon myself." (if The New Kid selects the cuttlefish during the torture on The Coon)
 * "Ugh, jeez! Well, I guess we're done here, huh?"
 * "Can someone reach around and get this knot?"
 * "Huh... I once called you my friend, New Kid. The whole world has gone mad..."
 * "Oh, god, you're not really gonna eat that burrito, are you?" (if The New Kid selects the vomit-covered burrito during the torture on The Coon)
 * "Oh no. You're not gonna eat that vomit-covered broccoli? It's not organic." (if The New Kid selects the vomit-covered broccoli during the torture on The Coon)
 * "Oh, hey, come on, you don't really want to eat my puke, do you?" (if The New Kid selects the vomit-covered cuttlefish during the torture on The Coon)
 * "You're not gonna eat that chili dog, are you? That's not chili on top!" (if The New Kid selects the vomit-covered chili dog during the torture on The Coon)
 * "Actually the asparagus might taste better with my vomit." (if The New Kid selects the vomit-covered asparagus during the torture on The Coon)
 * "Ohh, now that's pretty gross, you guys." (after selecting a vomit-covered food item)
 * During Farts of Future Past
 * "Mysterion? But you're with the Freedom Pals."
 * "My left hand? For what you-"
 * "Conner... What the hell are you doing here?"
 * "Time tunnel so weak, weak, weak..."
 * "Where are we now, Conner?"
 * "Why have you brought us here?"
 * "Don't do this to him."
 * "Don't go, New Kid! You can't change the past!"
 * "What?"
 * "You did it! You stopped your dad! You saved your mom, New Kid!"
 * "CONNER, NO!"
 * "I'm the Coon. This is your kid from the future."
 * "Oh, god! Barf!"
 * "We're back in downtown South Park! But where is everybody?"
 * "More importantly - what time of period we landed at?"
 * "Look, ButtLord!"
 * "You did it, ButtLord! It's inauguration day! We can still stop Conner from becoming mayor! Let's do this!"
 * "This way!"
 * "Guys? You're alive?"
 * "NO, KYLE! I have no control over Mitch Conner!"
 * "That's not funny, Kyle."
 * "Dude, fuck you."
 * "Kyle, I hate you!"
 * During From Dusk till Casa Bonita
 * "Hey, New Kid! Dude, over here!"
 * "I was investigating an infestation of vampires here at Casa Bonita."
 * "But then one of them threw me in jail. I need your help."
 * "I need you to... take a picture of me for my Coonstagram page while I'm in jail."
 * "Fuck you, asshole!"
 * "C'mon, I'm not leaving without my commemorative photograph."
 * "Move the camera into place and let's make some memories."
 * "Yes, that's it, Butthole!"
 * "Yes! Now come here." (After the New Kid sets the camera in place)
 * "Nice. That's gonna look awesome on my Coonstagram."
 * "Thanks, New Kid. I know you're here to stop the Vamp Kids too, and I want you to know, I'm gonna do whatever I can to help."
 * "Holy shit, the crazy bastard made it."
 * "Yeah. Butthole's probably in the water level right now."
 * Female New Kid Idle
 * "You don't quite look like a boy, New Kid. Or a girl... you're like Prince."
 * "You know, you kinda have pretty hair for a boy, New Kid, you better not be a hippie or something."
 * When The New Kid shows up in the Coon Lair
 * "Jesus Christ, ButtLord... You're back again?"
 * "Oh great, it's Butthole. Yayyy."
 * When The New Kid interacts with the Cube of Ultimate Destruction in the Coon Lair
 * "You touch it again and we'll all fucking die!"
 * "Hey, I told you not to fuck with that!"
 * "Fucking stop!"
 * Attacked
 * "Bitch!"
 * "HEY!"
 * "Dude. Fuck off."
 * Farted on
 * "You DON'T fart on your super leader, fuck!"
 * "Fart on any crime lately?"
 * "I see you, And I smell you. But I don't know why you're here."

Coon Store

 * Entering the Shop Menu
 * "It's the Coon Store, wait that's fucking stupid... How do I delete these things?"
 * "Welcome to the Coon Store. Authorized users only."
 * "Coon Store."
 * "Coon Store. Mom, if this is you GO BACK UPSTAIRS GOD DAMMIT!"
 * Leaving the Shop Menu
 * "You'll be back."
 * "Coon Store... OUT!"
 * "Thank you for shopping at the official store of Coon and Friends."
 * "Good bye."
 * Buying something
 * "The Coon Store thanks you for your purchase."
 * "All sales are final."

Battle
The Coon: "I'm... The Coon." Black Vampire: "Sorry, the WHAT? And you callin' us Vamp Kids lame?" Chef: "No! Not...not...not my sauce!" Chef: "What? We're just making the pasta and the scaloppini!" ​The Coon: "Hell fucking no!" The Coon: ""How stupid do you think we are, Eric"... God, Call Girl, you're so annoying." The Coon: "Coon AND Friend!!" Call Girl: "Hmm, maybe I'm leaning towards Freedom Pal." The Coon: "You still here Call Girl? Go home already." The Coon: "What do you think we're doing right now?" Call Girl: "I mean in real life!" Call Girl: "Ready to kick ass, more like it!" Call Girl: "It's more than you could take, Coon." Call Girl: "Nope. I'm good." Call Girl: "Fuck you, fatass." The Coon: "Damn right, Diabetes." Captain Diabetes: "Doc says as long as I wear comfortable shoes, I should be fine!" The Coon: "I have a little room left." The Coon: "Oh man, that sounds sweet!" The Coon: "Nooooo thank you." The Coon: "African? What about all the hungry kids in America, for chrissakes? I'm wasting away!" The Coon: "Fuck you, dude! I don't use wires." Fastpass: "Avenging you is on my to-do list!" The Coon: "Do I look like I'm laughing?!" The Coon: "I'm not doing shit, dude!" Fastpass: "Just stop, Coon." Fastpass: "Yeah, right." Fastpass: "Oh, come on." Henrietta: "This is such obvious bullshit." / "Lying's easy when your soul is an empty void." The Coon: "Pretty poor use of space. I'll mention it on the comment card." Henrietta: "Thanks, rat-boy." The Coon: "I'M A COON!" The Coon: "Jeez, will you lighten up?" Henrietta: "No." Henrietta: "I thought you were a stupid raccoon." The Coon: "I thought you were a stupid bitch." The Coon: "Oh yeah, like anyone cares about a fat goth bitch." Henrietta: "At least I've accepted it." The Coon: "I'm the Coon, bitch!" The Coon: "Don't sound so thrilled. Jesus." Henrietta: "Fuck you, fatass." / "Fuck off, "Coon."" The Coon: "Nah." Human Kite: "Yeah us real superheroes are here to save the day." The Coon: "Yeah, like for your fat bitch mom." The Coon: "Fuck you, Kyle!" The Coon: "No! That is not a Coon and Friends-sanctioned quip, Kite!" Human Kite: "Worry about your own shit, Coon." Human Kite: "Well, to be fair-" The Coon: "Probably Kyle." Human Kite: "Fuck you, dude." / "Seriously, fuck you." Human Kite: "Probably something stupid." The Coon: "God, you're a nerd." Human Kite: "Screw you, Coon!" Human Kite: "Yeah... I know." The Coon: "Nah, I feel like we should see where this goes." Human Kite: "Dammit!" The Coon: "Sorry bro. No can do." Human Kite: "Remind me to let you get K.O.-ed next time, asshole." Human Kite: "Yeah, yeah, we'll get around to it." Human Kite: "Don't anger your healer it you want to live, moron." The Coon: "Suck it, up, Kyle! Jesus!" The Coon: "I knew it!" The Coon: "Fuck off, all of you." The Coon: "He's deft and spry you guys! He admitted it!" Human Kite: "Thanks, dude!" The Coon: "Jesus, you two, get a room." Human Kite: "What? I don't care. Do you?" Toolshed: "Oh yeah. Not really." The Coon: "Hey, fuck you guys!" The Coon: "Oh, yeah, blame the victim. Real cool, Kite." The Coon: "I'm just an innocent hostage here!" Human Kite: "Give me a fucking break!" / "Oh god, it's so fucking obvious Cartman is fucking with us." Human Kite: "Cut the crap, dick!" Human Kite: "Fuck you, Cartman." Human Kite: "You're such a fucking liar, Cartman!" The Coon: "Yeah, tell me about it. Stop Conner!" The Coon: "Fuck you Jared, you nasty son of a bitch!" / "Jesus, fucking pedo!" The Coon: "You're a stupid head!" The Coon: "You're gonna cry!" Mintberry Crunch: "F-you, Coon!" Mintberry Crunch: "Do I look like a Zarganor? Come on, dude." / "Hey, I wasn't born yesterday, or even on Earth." The Coon: "I AM known for my super strength, son of a bitch!" Mitch Conner: "I'm not cheating, it's the rules." The Coon: "Kyle, I hate you." The Coon: "No! Conner can't win!" Human Kite: "Yeah, like literally ON YOUR HAND, asshole." The Coon: "Dude, it's not me!" The Coon: "That's kind of lame, dude." The Coon: "Shut up about your stupid lemon bars, Clyde!" The Coon: "Snack on your own time, Mosquito. I'm working here." The Coon: "No way, dude. That's fucking gross." Mosquito: "You're in my thoughts and prayers, Coon." The Coon: "Dammit, Mosquito, pull it together!" The Coon: "Exactly, Mosquito, thank you!" Mysterion: "Cartman, I fucking swear to god." Mysterion: "I'm a wandering soul who can never truly die." The Coon: "Jesus, dramatic much?" The Coon: "Fuck you, Mysterion. Fate ain't the boss of these fucking sweet claws!" The Coon: "You're kind of a fucking downer, Mysterion." The Coon: "God dammit, Mysterion! Would it kill you to be a little more upbeat?" Mysterion: "I doubt it." Mysterion: "Fuck you, dude!" The Coon: "How can they remember it if they're dead?" Professor Chaos: "They...uh... Oh darn it." The Coon: "The fuck are you doing, Butters?" Professor Chaos: "Practicing my evil laugh." The Coon: "Fuck you, Chaos. That was a brutal attack!" Professor Chaos: "I know! Have you met my grandma?" Professor Chaos: "Don't worry. Lots more Chaos where that came from!" Professor Chaos: "Oh boy, begrudging respect! That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." The Coon: "Yes. I expect it is." The Coon: "No!" The Coon: "Uh, fucking revive me?" Professor Chaos: "Thanks for noticing!" The Coon: "Come down here and face us, you fucking pussy!" The Coon: "Oh my god, you guys!"￼ The Coon: "Yeah, she was a big C all right."￼ ​The Coon: "I think Stan's dad really wants to kill you, Scott." Super Craig: "Only if you try not to be a dickweed next time." ​The Coon: "It's a deal." The Coon: "God dammit, Super Craig! Show some respect to your colleagues." Super Craig: "Why start now?" Super Craig: "Emote this." Super Craig: "Sure, you bet." Super Craig: "I doubt it." Super Craig: "I hate you, dude." The Coon: "Heh heh! I bet you are." The Coon: "I'm doing it right now, Super Tool." Toolshed: "GO ALREADY." Toolshed: "At least I have a dad." Toolshed: "Uh-huh." The Coon: "You know, "tools" is another word for "penises."" Toolshed: "Yep. I know." Tupperware: "That won't be necessary." The Coon: "It's fucking clam juice and tomato, how good could it be?" The Coon: "Yes, exactly. I'm The Coon."
 * Selected
 * "The Coon approves."
 * "The Coon is back."
 * "Coon on the prowl."
 * "Get cooned!"
 * Battle start
 * "Who wants the first cut?"
 * Battle start, The Invitation
 * "Hah! The Coon will rip you to shreds with superior ninja fighting!"
 * Battle start, versus Shub-Niggurath
 * "Don't forget the mission. We have to get "you-know-who" out of here."
 * Turn start
 * "It's finally my turn? Oh, thank god."
 * "Welcome to Coontown!"
 * "Fuckin' finally."
 * "Watch this, New Kid. I'm gonna do something fucking sweet."
 * "I have a really good feeling about this, guys."
 * "Coon on the prowl!"
 * "You're the disease, and I'm the Coon."
 * "Oh, this is my favorite part."
 * "This is for Scrambles, you bastards!"
 * "Prepare to be shredded."
 * "Prepare for Cooning!"
 * "Dramatic Coon move incoming..."
 * "This is gonna sting."
 * "Coon Claws out!"
 * "Beware of the Coon!"
 * "Step aside Coon Friends. Daddy's home."
 * "You're not gonna know what hit you, but it was definitely the Coon."
 * "Are you a hemophiliac? Let's find out!"
 * "Coon on the plate!"
 * "Welcome to the last day of the rest of your life."
 * "Time to spread some rabies."
 * "Time to thin out the crowd."
 * "Who's ready to get maimed?"
 * "This one's all me."
 * "Full disclosure: This is gonna hurt like hell."
 * "Avert your eyes, children! The Coon's about to get into some adult situations."
 * "I require absolute silence as I stalk my prey."
 * Turn start versus Buca De Faggonchini chefs
 * "Watch and learn, newbie, the Coon's on deck! The rest of you, try not to die."
 * Turn start versus Chaos Minions, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
 * "Your minions are no match for my claws, Chaos!"
 * Self or ally turn start versus Doctor Timothy, The Thin White Line
 * "You raped a lot of minds today, Doctor Timothy, and now you're gonna pay!"
 * Turn start versus Vampires
 * "Bad news, bloodsuckers. It's the Coon's turn."
 * "I came here to kill vampires and eat sopaipillas. And I'm gonna do both."
 * "Abandon all hope, vamps. It's Coon time."
 * "This seems like a good time for some sopaipillas."
 * Turn start, in low health
 * "You know, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one pulling his weight around here."
 * Human Kite turn start
 * "Prepare for a vicious squinting."
 * New Kid turn start
 * "It's go time, ButtLord."
 * "Don't mess this up, DickBag!"
 * "Fuck 'em up, Butthole!"
 * "Punch someone for the Coon, FartLord."
 * "Hit someone for the Coon, ButtLord!"
 * Idle
 * "Just...need to stand here a little longer... Little longer."
 * "Do you hear that? It's the sound of an impending Coon."
 * "Man... I'm just really gonna violate someone, you guys, I'm so excited."
 * "I'll go when I have everyone's complete attention. Otherwise I'm just gonna fuckin' stand here."
 * "I find that if I take a long time planning my turn, revenge is that much sweeter."
 * "I need...absolute silence, you guys. Seriously, nobody talk or even do anything."
 * "Soon... Soon the Coon shall strike. Oh yes."
 * "Let's see, I could give you a vicious clawing... Or you... Or you... Hmm."
 * "The anticipation... It's building so high, you guys."
 * "These claws are highly infectious, FYI."
 * "You could try running. It won't work."
 * "OK... Who needs to be Cooned the hardest?"
 * Self and ally idle
 * "Every fight counts, guys. We're building brand momentum."
 * Ally idle
 * "At moments like this, just think, "What would The Coon do?""
 * "OK, look, if you're not sure what to do just hit something as hard as you can."
 * "GO!"
 * "Hurry up!"
 * "You can start doing cool stuff any time."
 * "Should I tell you what to do? Would that help?"
 * "GO GO GO GO GO! Oh my god!"
 * "It's hard to be part of an elite fighting force if you don't take your FUCKING TURN!"
 * "No, really, just take all the time in the world..."
 * "Jesus Christ, Butthole, I thought you were good at this fart stuff."
 * "OK, my Chicken Deluxe Dinner is getting cold, you guys."
 * Human Kite idle
 * "It's not math homework, just do a laser thing."
 * New Kid idle
 * "It's OK, New Kid. I was like you once. Confused, stupid, ineffective. Oh no, wait, that was Kyle."
 * "Hey, New Kid. When I don't see you doing any superhero shit, it makes me question your superhero status."
 * "Hey, hey FartLord, these idiots aren't going to kick their own asses. Do your job!"
 * "Get it in gear ButtLord, I got hell to unleash over here."
 * Toolshed idle
 * "Look, this is not like...Ikea furniture assembly - just drill someone!"
 * "Just grab your tool and get down to business, dude!"
 * "Coon to Toolshed: Do some hero shit or you're fired!"
 * "Toolshed, you've changed, bro. The old Toolshed, he took his turn promptly."
 * "DUDE, FUCKING GO!"
 * After using Coon Claws
 * "Oh yeah, this one bleeds real nice."
 * "Now go tell everyone you cut yourself manscaping."
 * "You'll want to put some pressure on that."
 * "Get your mom to kiss that boo-boo."
 * "Now imagine I squirted lemon juice in that. Oooh!"
 * "A few gallons of club soda ought to take those blood stains out."
 * "Hope your immunizations are up to date!"
 * "Looks like I might've lanced a whitehead, you're so welcome."
 * After using Coon Claws on Vampires
 * "Better apply a sopaipilla and some pressure on that wound."
 * "Now quit sucking up all the sopaipillas."
 * "Guess vampires aren't immune to coon claws!"
 * After using Coon Claws and Coon Lunge
 * "Didn't your mom teach you it's rude to bleed on other people's claws?"
 * After using Coon Claws and Coon Pounce
 * "Guess crime doesn't pay after all, huh?"
 * Using Coon Lunge
 * "Get cooned!"
 * "Coon comin' through!"
 * "Make way for Coon."
 * Using Coon Lunge, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
 * "The Coon strikes Chaos at its heart!"
 * After using Coon Lunge
 * "Thanks for standing there like a little bitch deer in the headlights."
 * "Cower before your natural enemy. It's the Coon."
 * "You have aroused the Coon."
 * After using Coon Lunge on Raisins Girl
 * "All day, ladies! I can do this. All. Day."
 * Using Coon Pounce
 * "This might sting."
 * After using Coon Pounce
 * "Die! Die already, C'mon!"
 * "Try not to slip on your own guts. I'd hate for you to fall and hurt yourself."
 * After using Coon Pounce on Vampire
 * "Bats aren't the only mammal that can fly."
 * After using Prime-Time Coon
 * "Whew. I'll feel that tomorrow."
 * After ally attacking
 * "Save some for the Coon!"
 * "The Coon approves."
 * "Cool."
 * "Fucking sweet."
 * "For best results, target the groin or face!"
 * After ally using punching attack
 * "That was a thorough fisting."
 * After Call Girl using Selfie-Stick Strike
 * "Nice try, Call Girl. I know this combat stuff doesn't really come naturally to you."
 * "FYI: Those pics are now the intellectual property of Coonstagram."
 * After Henrietta using Cigarette Burn
 * "Fucking sweet burn."
 * "Huh. A hint of cloves."
 * "You're on fire."
 * Targeted by Satanic Seal
 * "That's some real wicked shit."
 * "I'm so fucking juiced right now, you guys."
 * Targeted by Satanic Seal and Baleful Blessing
 * "Sweet, thanks!"
 * "Fuck yeah, this is sweet."
 * "I better not go to Hell for this."
 * "I'm like super satanic now, guys."
 * After Henrietta using Satanic Seal on ally
 * "Hey, buff me too!"
 * "You're gonna buff me next, right?"
 * After Henrietta using Satanic Seal on New Kid
 * "WHAT? Supercharge the Coon, not that stupid Butthole!"
 * Targeted by Baleful Blessing
 * "My forehead feels super hot right now?"
 * "Feed me, vamp dorks."
 * "Fuckin' sweet."
 * After Henrietta using Black Mass
 * "Oh my god, she totally just tore your souls out and gave them to us, hah."
 * "You just got totally fucked by some demon."
 * "Nice one, Souls of the Damned."
 * Targeted by Jetstream
 * "I didn't ask for your help, by the way. Just putting that on record."
 * "Thanks for the lift and stuff, I guess."
 * After Human Kite using Wrath of Kite
 * "Way to impress the 45-to-54-year-old kite-enthusiast demographic!"
 * After Mosquito using Skeeter Swarm
 * "Dude, you literally suck."
 * "Annoying as fuck, Classic Mosquito."
 * After Mosquito using Bug Bite Barrage
 * "Dude, you kiss your mom with that proboscis?"
 * After Mysterion using Dark Whisper
 * "Ooooh. Scary... Actually, that was pretty scary, dude."
 * After Mysterion using Demonic Fury
 * "You're a loose cannon, Mysterion, but you get results."
 * "You practice that move in front of the mirror, Mysterion?"
 * After New Kid attacking
 * "Keep it up, kid, and we might be friends some day."
 * "OK, I admit it, Buttlord - you got some potential."
 * "Wow, I am almost impressed."
 * "ButtLord's not taking any shit!"
 * "Not bad, New Kid."
 * "Someone's ready for their spin-off. In Turkish markets, at least."
 * After New Kid using Brains move
 * "ButtLord's coming out blasting!"
 * After New Kid using Netherborn move
 * "You took them to a dark place, Butthole."
 * After New Kid using Elemental Onslaught
 * "Cold, Butthole, I like it!"
 * After New Kid using Dazzling Flash
 * "You knocked that bitch down to Kyle's reading level."
 * After New Kid using Soul Slash
 * "That's right, reap those fuckers."
 * After New Kid using Dire Shroud on self
 * "Oh, how nice for you, ButtLord."
 * "Hey, when are you gonna cast that on me?"
 * After New Kid using Dire Shroud on enemy
 * "Nasty but nice, Butthole."
 * "Welp, now you're screwed."
 * Targeted by Unground, The Chaos Gambit
 * "Hell yeah, I'm ungrounded!"
 * After Professor Chaos using Chaos Confuse-O-Tron
 * "Uh-oh. PETA's about to get all over our asses."
 * After Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch
 * "Haha! You bitch-slapped that bitch!"
 * "Not bad, Super Craig, but try not to slouch next time."
 * After Super Craig using Omega Crash Extra
 * "Way to use your head. Next time try putting a little heart into it."
 * After Captain Diabetes using Sugar Rush
 * "Crocs and Rockports are not approved superhero gear!"
 * After Toolshed using Full Bore
 * "Drill, baby, drill!"
 * After Tupperware using Tupper Tornado
 * "Careful there, Tupperware, or you'll fog up your helmet."
 * "Always bet on black, am I right?"
 * After Tupperware using Hot Swap
 * "That's what I call affirmative action!"
 * After Wonder Tweek using Supreme Lightning
 * "Cloudy with a chance of boners. Super Craig knows."
 * After Wonder Tweek using Icicle Strike
 * "Ah, the kiss of shame."
 * Targeted by Soothing Showers
 * "Don't get my fur wet, you guys. This costume is dry-clean only."
 * After a Timefart Glitch
 * "Oh my god, the ButtLord fucked you!"
 * "Your turn is now property of Coon and Friends!"
 * "Haha, you got screwed!"
 * After a Timefart Pause
 * "Hoho, your fart knocked the shit out of them!"
 * After a Timefart Summon
 * "I see ButtLord invited his butt buddy."
 * "I taught both ButtLords everything they know."
 * "Look, it's ButtLord from a simpler time."
 * Attacked
 * "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
 * "Hey!"
 * "Typical dirty tactics."
 * "Knock it off!"
 * "Bullshit! I call bullshit."
 * "Hey! Don't mess with the Coon, dumbass!"
 * "Oh, you are so fucking dead."
 * "Ow! Didn't hurt."
 * "You've wounded the Coon. Big mistake."
 * "You've made a powerful and...raccoon-shaped...enemy."
 * "I...hardly felt that thanks to the wiry fur that covers my body!"
 * "Not cool!"
 * "Luckily the Coon is impervious to- Oh, fuck, that actually hurts."
 * "Now you've done it! A wounded Coon is the most dangerous of Coons."
 * Targeted by Ground, The Chaos Gambit
 * "That's fuckin' bullshit!"
 * "Oh no..."
 * "Fucking god dammit!"
 * Attacked, Farts of Future Past
 * "Focus on Mitch Conner!"
 * "I'm not the bad guy here!"
 * "No, I'm on your side!"
 * "You're playing right into Kite's hand!"
 * Attacked by Chaos Minion, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
 * "Their Chaos powers are preventing me from understanding their speech!"
 * Shub-Niggurath devouring ally white meat
 * "Guys, concentrate! We can't go around getting eaten by Outer Gods. Jesus!"
 * Shub-Niggurath devouring Crooked Cop white meat and victory against Shub-Niggurath
 * "Oh my god, that was so awesome, you guys!"
 * Attacked by Vampire
 * "You're next, you little shit!"
 * "You're next, vamp."
 * "Hey! Stupid vampires!"
 * Ally attacked
 * "You're looking a little fucked up, there, dude."
 * Ally attacked by Jared Fogle
 * "Jesus, fucking pedo!"
 * Jared Fogle summoning aides
 * "Aides? We have to fight aides? Fucking Jared."
 * New Kid attacked
 * "Walk it off, ButtLord!"
 * "Quit screwing around, ButtLord!"
 * Super Craig attacked
 * "It'd be a shame if you ripped your sweet costume, Super Craig."
 * Enemy defeated
 * "You deserved what you got!"
 * "This is coming together exactly how I planned."
 * "Fucked by the long dong of justice!"
 * "Oh yeah! Take that, bitch!"
 * "Another foe falls before the might of Coon and Friends!"
 * "That's one less asshole in front of me in line."
 * Enemy defeated, after joining Freedom Pals
 * "Another foe falls before the might of Coon and Frie- I mean, Freedom Pals."
 * After defeating enemy
 * "The Coon claims another victim."
 * Enemy defeated by Captain Diabetes
 * "And diabetes claims another victim!"
 * Chiquita the Gorilla defeated
 * "Suck it, Chiquita! There's a new silverback in town."
 * Vampire defeated
 * "Hah! Take that, vamp-douche!"
 * "Bye! Hope you enjoyed your La Casa Bonita experience!"
 * "And never come back to La Casa Bonita again!"
 * Macaroni Picture used
 * "What kind of Jew black magic is this?"
 * After using healing item on self
 * "I feel so turgid right now."
 * "I am so fucking healthy!"
 * "Now I'm back to peak Coon!"
 * "My health bar is so big, you guys!"
 * After using healing item on ally
 * "Oh-no, you're not done!"
 * "Stay with the Coon, dude."
 * Burning status cured
 * "Great news, I'm not on fire anymore!"
 * "And THAT is the last fucking time I will be on fire, thank you."
 * "So, now that I'm no longer burning, I need someone to cream my back."
 * Ally Burning status cured
 * "Trash fire's out!"
 * "Congratulations, you're no longer on fire."
 * Healed
 * "Coon concentration, enhanced."
 * "I do like a good buff. Helps me Coon harder."
 * "Ooh, I'm all tingly."
 * "I'm definitely living my best life."
 * "#blessed"
 * Healed by item
 * "THE PAIIIIIIN... Oh wait! It's gone!"
 * "I'M SAVED YOU GUYS!"
 * Healed and protected
 * "Give it to me."
 * Protected
 * "Who would be stupid enough to challenge the Coon now?"
 * "The Coon always recommends carrying protection."
 * Reviving ally
 * "This is a superhero team, I can't do it by myself!"
 * "Get up, naptime's over."
 * "You owe me for this."
 * Reviving Call Girl
 * "Time to wake up and go home, Call Girl."
 * Revived and Attack Up
 * "It's about fucking time."
 * "I feel like a new Coon."
 * Defeated
 * "With friends like these, who needs assholes?"
 * "Tell everyone... I know they loved me."
 * Defeated by Red Wine Drunk Randy
 * "Do not give that fucker his keys!"
 * Defeated, final battle, Farts of Future Past
 * "Nooooo!"
 * Ally defeated
 * "What the fuck!"
 * "God dammit!"
 * Henrietta defeated
 * "Great, now who's gonna heal me? The Butthole? Fuck!"
 * "You better not have died on purpose!"
 * Henrietta defeated, From Dusk to Casa Bonita
 * "On the bright side, more food for me."
 * Human Kite defeated
 * "Oh my god, Kyle! Way to embarrass yourself in front of the New Kid."
 * Mysterion defeated
 * "Oh, look, Mysterion's dead again."
 * "Is it just me or does Mysterion die like all the fucking time?"
 * New Kid defeated
 * "We're going to need a new New Kid."
 * Toolshed defeated
 * "I call dibs on Toolshed's drills!"
 * "Quit laying down on the job, Toolshed!"
 * Attack Up
 * "Oh fuck yeah, that's what I'm talking about!"
 * Ally Attack Up
 * "Go fuck 'em up!"
 * Burning
 * "I am engulfed in flames! Shit."
 * "Oh, by the way, I'm still on fire you guys, your leader is like burning up here."
 * "I'm burning, I'm burning here!"
 * "OWW! No Coon deserves this!"
 * "You'd think Toolshed would have a fucking extinguisher, right?"
 * Charmed
 * "Wait, I think I'm with the other team now..."
 * "You have aroused the Coon."
 * Chilled
 * "The Coon is mostly impervious to the cold. Mostly..."
 * Lifesteal
 * "You got so cooned."
 * "Suck it."
 * New Kid Lifesteal
 * "Nice mooching, Butthole."
 * "Way to suck off those enemies, Butthole."
 * Ally Healed and Protected
 * "Lucky!"
 * Victory
 * "Once again, the Coon saves the day."
 * "I could have done this myself, but I'm glad you're here to watch."
 * "We fuckin' rocked that."
 * With Mitch Connor, To Catch a Coon
 * "Guys, I'm really sorry about this. Mitch is such an asshole, huh?"
 * "Dammit, I didn't kidnap ButtLord's parents!"
 * With Mitch Connor, Farts of Future Past
 * "Kyle, I can't believe how much of a fucking asshole you are."
 * "Fucking stop Kyle!"
 * "Kyle, you suck."
 * Dialogue
 * With Black Vampire, after using Coon Pounce on Black Vampire, From Dusk till Casa Bonita
 * Black Vampire: "Hey, what the fuck you supposed to be anyway?"
 * With Buca De Faggonchini chef, turn start, The Bowels of the Beast
 * ​The Coon: "I'm gonna dip my balls in your sauce."
 * ​The Coon: "The Coon will bring you dastardly chefs to justice!"
 * With Buca De Faggonchini chef, attacked by Buca De Faggonchini chef, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Chef: "You want a Crème Fraîche Bukakke with that?"
 * Call Girl, Call Girl turn start, To Catch a Coon
 * Call Girl: "How stupid do you think we are, Eric?"
 * With Call Girl, New Kid turn start
 * Call Girl: "Freedom Pal or Coon Friend, you're cool in my book, New Kid."
 * With Call Girl, after using Coon Claws
 * Call Girl: "You're such a savage, Cartman!"
 * Call Girl: "I bet we'd make a good crime-fighting team."
 * With Call Girl, Call Girl attacked
 * The Coon: "I felt that one, Call Girl. You're probably ready to leave and never come back, right?"
 * The Coon: "Hmm maybe you should call it a day before you mess up your hair." / "Nasty hit, Call Girl! No one would blame you if you just packed up your shit and left, now."
 * The Coon: "That looked like it hurt, Call Girl. You probably should go home." / "Hmm maybe you should call it a day before you mess up your hair."
 * Call Girl attacked by The Coon or Mitch Connor, To Catch a Coon
 * The Coon: "Wow, Mitch is pretty tough, huh guys?"
 * With Captain Diabetes, after using Coon Pounce
 * Captain Diabetes: "Looking sharp, Coon!"
 * With Captain Diabetes, after Captain Diabetes using Sugar Rush
 * The Coon: "Way to move those feet while you still have 'em."
 * With Corey Haim, self or ally idle, From Dusk till Casa Bonita
 * Corey Haim: "Let's have hot milk and cookies after this!"
 * Corey Haim: "Hey, let's go to my house! I've got elephants and giraffes and roller coasters!"
 * With Corey Haim, after self or ally attacking Corey Haim, From Dusk till Casa Bonita
 * Corey Haim: "Stop doggin' me around!"
 * With Fastpass, after attacking
 * Fastpass: "One good deed deserves another, Coon. I just sponsored a hungry African kid in your honor."
 * With Fastpass, after using Coon Pounce
 * ​Fastpass: "That was pretty cool, Coon. I couldn't even see the wires."
 * With Fastpass, attacked
 * ​The Coon: "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
 * With Fastpass, To Catch a Coon
 * Fastpass: "This isn't very funny, Coon."
 * Fastpass: "Why are you making us beat you up, Coon?"
 * The Coon: "Dammit, I didn't kidnap ButtLord's parents!"
 * The Coon: "Guys, I'm really sorry about this. Mitch is such an asshole, huh?"
 * The Coon: "You know I didn't do that, right? That was Conner."
 * With Henrietta, Henrietta turn start, To Catch a Coon
 * The Coon: "Dammit, I didn't kidnap ButtLord's parents!"
 * With Henrietta, Henrietta turn start versus Mike Makowski, From Dusk till Casa Bonita
 * Henrietta: "Wow this room is gigantic."
 * With Henrietta, after Henrietta using Cigarette Burn
 * The Coon: "Nice one, dragon lady."
 * With Henrietta, Vamp Kids defeated, From Dusk till Casa Bonita
 * Henrietta: "That was satisfactory."
 * With Henrietta, Chiquita the Gorilla defeated, From Dusk till Casa Bonita
 * The Coon: "Suck it, Chiquita! There's a new silverback in town."
 * With Henrietta, attacked
 * Henrietta: "Coon's hit. Nobody cares."
 * Henrietta: "Poor feral cat."
 * Henrietta: "Oh good, you're still alive."
 * With Henrietta, attacked, To Catch a Coon
 * The Coon: "I'm just a bystander here!"
 * With Henrietta, ally other than Henrietta attacked
 * Henrietta: "Uh, are you going to do anything about your friend getting hurt?"
 * With Human Kite, battle start versus Buca De Faggonchini chefs, The Bowels of the Beast
 * ​The Coon: "Stand back! The real superheroes are here now."
 * With Human Kite, after attacking
 * Human Kite: "Hey, Coon, nice of you to give a cosplay option to the plus-sized."
 * Human Kite: "Who know something fat could move so fast!"
 * With Human Kite, after Human Kite using Laser Burn
 * Human Kite: "Turns out looks CAN kill, right guys?"
 * The Coon: "Those eye lasers set for defrost or something? Kick up the intensity, Human Kite!"
 * With Human Kite, turn start, low health
 * The Coon: "You know, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one pulling his weight around here."
 * With Human Kite and Super Craig, Super Craig turn start
 * ​Super Craig: "Who needs to get punched the most?"
 * With Human Kite, ally idle
 * ​The Coon: "At moments like this, just think, "What would The Coon do?""
 * With Human Kite, Human Kite idle
 * Human Kite: "Just calculating some trajectories. I'll be ready in a sec."
 * With Human Kite, after attacking Human Kite, Alternate Universes Collide Again
 * ​The Coon: "I've wanted to do that for a long time."
 * With Human Kite, after ally attacking Human Kite, Alternate Universes Collide Again
 * The Coon: "You brought this on yourself, Kite."
 * With Human Kite, after Human Kite using Laser Burn, Alternate Universes Collide Again
 * ​Human Kite: "Ready to quit yet?"
 * Human Kite: "Hey, can you guys just give up before we get in more trouble?"
 * With Human Kite, targeted by Jetstream
 * ​The Coon: "Nice blow job, Human Kite."
 * With Human Kite, attacked
 * ​The Coon: "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
 * With Human Kite, Human Kite attacked
 * ​The Coon: "Oh, do you want me to blow on your boo-boo, Kite?"
 * Human Kite: "Ow, this hurts worse than hemorrhoids."
 * With Human Kite, Jared Fogle summoning aides, The Thin White Line
 * Human Kite: "Oh crap, Jared has aides!"
 * With Human Kite, defeated
 * Human Kite: "Dead? Already?"
 * With Human Kite, Human Kite Slowed
 * ​Human Kite: "Human Kite, usually so deft and spry, is moving slow."
 * With Human Kite and Toolshed, after Human Kite attacking
 * Toolshed: "Excellent use of your kite-based powers, Human Kite!"
 * With Human Kite and Toolshed, defeated
 * Toolshed: "Oh my god, they killed Cartman! I said, "Oh my god, they killed Cartman!"
 * With Human Kite, To Catch a Coon
 * Human Kite: "We know you're not really hostage of your own hand, asshole."
 * Human Kite: "Dammit, Coon! Quit fooling around!"
 * The Coon: "You know I didn't do that, right? That was Conner."
 * The Coon: "Man, Mitch Conner sure plays dirty, huh guys?" / "Wow, Mitch is pretty tough, huh guys?"
 * The Coon: "Wow, Mitch is pretty tough, huh guys?"
 * The Coon: "Guys, I'm really sorry about this. Mitch is such an asshole, huh?"
 * Human Kite: "This is getting real old, Coon."
 * With Jared Fogle, Toolshed using Spiral Power
 * Jared Fogle: "I love your tool! Wanna hold mine?"
 * With Kindergartner, attacked, Civil War 2: Playtime's Over
 * Kindergartner: "Stupid head!"
 * Kindergartner: "It's OK if you need to cry."
 * With Mintberry Crunch, attacked, To Catch a Coon
 * The Coon: "Wow, Mitch is pretty tough, huh guys?"
 * The Coon: "Dammit, I didn't kidnap ButtLord's parents!" / "I'm just a bystander here!"
 * With Mitch Connor, To Catch a Coon
 * Mitch Conner: "Your muscular body makes the most effective human shield, Coon!"
 * The Coon: "You're f'ing cheating!"
 * With Mitch Connor, Farts of Future Past
 * Mitch Conner: "Ooh, the Coon's not going to like that."
 * With Mitch Conner, victory, To Catch a Coon
 * Mitch Conner: "Hohoho! Guess your super friends aren't so super, Coon!"
 * With Mitch Conner and Human Kite, To Catch a Coon
 * Mitch Conner: "How does it feel having your friends' blood on your hands, Coon?"
 * With Mosquito, character other than Mosquito idle
 * Mosquito: "I'm going to build a pillow fort this weekend."
 * With Mosquito, Mosquito idle
 * Mosquito: "Does anybody want my lemon bar recipe?"
 * With Mosquito, after attacking
 * Mosquito: "First the Coon made them bleed, and then it's Mosquito's time to feed!"
 * Mosquito: "Can I lick the blood off your claws? Can I? Can I?"
 * With Mosquito, attacked
 * ​The Coon: "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
 * With Mosquito, Mosquito attacked
 * ​Mosquito: "Not gonna cry. Not gonna cry."
 * With Mosquito, To Catch a Coon
 * Mosquito: "I don't know, guys. Maybe Coon's not making this up."
 * With Mysterion, turn start after Corey Haim possessing Karen McCormick, From Dusk till Casa Bonita
 * The Coon: "Wow, how does it feel to know Corey Haim is inside your sister?"
 * With Mysterion, self or ally idle
 * The Coon: "Mysterion, are you like a goth or ninja or what?"
 * With Mysterion, after using Coon Lunge
 * Mysterion: "Fate guides your claws, Coon."
 * With Mysterion, after Mysterion attacking
 * Mysterion: "Today you crossed paths with the wrong immortal fourth grader." / "Weep not for thine enemies. They're, like, total assholes."
 * Mysterion: "Today you crossed paths with the wrong immortal fourth grader." / "Weep not for thine enemies. They're, like, total assholes."
 * With Mysterion, attacked
 * ​The Coon: "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
 * With Professor Chaos, Professor Chaos turn start
 * Professor Chaos: "Muwahahaha!! Remember this day, for it is the day you die!"
 * With Professor Chaos, character other than Professor Chaos idle
 * Professor Chaos: "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
 * With Professor Chaos, after using Coon Claws
 * Professor Chaos: "You hit like my grandma."
 * With Professor Chaos, after Professor Chaos using Chaos Blast
 * The Coon: "Don't blow all your Chaos in one load, Professor!"
 * With Professor Chaos, after Professor Chaos using Chaos Confuse-O-Tron
 * The Coon: "Savor my begrudging respect, old nemesis."
 * With Professor Chaos, Mitch Conner attacked by Professor Chaos, Farts of Future Past
 * Professor Chaos: "Now did I attack the right one, fellas?"
 * With Professor Chaos, defeated
 * Professor Chaos: "Aww. The Coon looks like a sleepy kitty."
 * With Professor Chaos, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
 * The Coon: "I think you're taking this a little too far, Butters."
 * Professor Chaos: "I hope that really hurt, Coon!"
 * With Raisins Girl, self or ally idle
 * Raisins Girl: "Hey we've got a special on the Zingy Chicken Wings, eat two pounds and then eat a third pound or else."
 * With Raisins Girl, Raisins Girl defeated
 * Raisins Girl: "Oh no! We just lost the C in our YMCA routine!"
 * With Red Wine Drunk Randy, Red Wine Drunk Randy Chilled
 * Randy: "Oh, think my balls just retracted into my abdomen."
 * With Super Craig, after Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch
 * ​The Coon: "Not bad, Super Craig, but try not to slouch next time."
 * With Super Craig, after attacking
 * Super Craig: "You do something? I was too busy not giving a fuck."
 * With Super Craig, after Super Craig attacking
 * "The Coon: "See, Super Craig, you can emote when you want to."
 * With Super Craig, Super Craig attacked
 * ​The Coon: "Try to give a fuck, will you Craig?"
 * ​The Coon: "You gonna start taking this seriously now, Super Craig?"
 * With Super Craig, To Catch a Coon
 * The Coon: "Dammit, I didn't kidnap ButtLord's parents!"
 * With Toolshed, Toolshed turn start
 * Toolshed: "Ready to screw the bad guys!"
 * With Toolshed, idle
 * Toolshed: "Coon, can we get on with saving South Park and stuff?"
 * The Coon: "Let's see, I could give you a vicious clawing... Or you... Or you... Hmm." / "Just...need to stand here a little longer... Little longer."
 * With Toolshed, after Toolshed using Spiral Power
 * The Coon: "I can't believe your dad was dumb enough to lend you his tools, Toolshed."
 * With Toolshed, after Toolshed using Drillslinger
 * The Coon: "You've obviously had some practice handling tools."
 * With Tupperware, after Tupperware using Tupper Tornado or Hot Swap
 * The Coon: "Let me know if you need your head burped."
 * With Vampire Griefer, after self or ally attacking Vampire Griefer, at birthday party VIP room, From Dusk till Casa Bonita
 * Vampire Griefer: "I crave the red juice of eternal life!"
 * With Wonder Tweek, after using Prime Time Coon
 * Wonder Tweek: "Gah! Jesus Christ! You're an animal!"
 * Unsorted
 * "Nice, but the Coon brand still has a higher Q-score than Mysterion."
 * "Seldom in the history of cooning has anyone been cooned so hard."
 * "This move meshes perfectly with my on-the-go lifestyle."
 * "OK... Well this has been cool, you guys, but we should probably wrap this up soon."
 * "Dammit, Kyle, you fly around, you shoot lasers, just pick one and let's go on with our lives!"
 * "Oh yeah! There's some fucking Coon Justice for you."
 * "Butters, you fucking idiot! I'm so fucking pissed at you right now!"
 * "Oh, god dammit, Butters."

Trivia

 * His quote "Feed me, vamp dorks.", which he says upon applying the "Baleful Blessing" status effect on him, can be heard whether he is fighting against Vampires or not.
 * Altought he says that all of the sales in The Coon Store are final, The New Kid can return most of the items purchased from there, with the exception of costumes.