Captain Diabetes/Quotes

This page lists all notable quotes voiced out by Captain Diabetes (Scott Malkinson) in South Park: The Fractured But Whole.

Overview
Captain Diabetes' quotes mainly revolve around his superhero persona, in which his diabetic powers gives him unparalleled strength. As affiliation, he also talks about his dependence on insulin.

His quotes show that he is a law-abiding patriot, most evidently when coming up against a drunken Randy Marsh on the first night of the game by taking away his keys to prevent him from drunk driving/scratching his wife's car and using patrotic terms such as "saluting Toolshed", replying to Wonder Tweek saluting him with "at ease", and calling his fellow superheroes "soldiers" when reviving them. He also acts very stereotypically superhero-like, referring to his enemies as "villains" and making dramatic announcements about himself in third person.

He will refer The New Kid as his "Sidekick" at first, as briefed by The Coon (Eric Cartman), but later he'll eventually refer The New Kid as "Butthole" just like the other heroes do, or even as "Partner". He is also very eager to be friends with the other heroes and often asks them to hang out with him, much to their annoyance.

Field/Story

 * During The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Fear not! For it is I, Captain Diabetes!"
 * "Oh my god...oh god...FARTS!"
 * "HOLY GUACAMOLE! What is this?!"
 * "Oh, man... We gotta tell the guys."
 * "COON! COON, COME IN!"
 * "There's someone in there. Get ready... One. Two. Diabetes!"
 * "The jig is up, Classi!"
 * "That is NOT how people get diabetes!"
 * "Uh oh..."
 * "YOU are in no good condition to drive!"
 * During The Chaos Gambit
 * "You're on a dangerous mission, former Sidekick. You must be very careful."
 * "New Kid! Pssst! What're you doing here?"
 * During The Thin White Line, Jared spared
 * "Well fought, New Kid! It's important to show mercy to the vanquished."
 * During The Thin White Line, Jared not spared
 * "Heroes are judged by their ability to show mercy. You showed him your asshole."
 * Using Diabetic Rage
 * Appearing to the New Kid
 * "Diabetes to the rescue!"
 * "Did someone say...diabetes?!"
 * "It's a fine day to have diabetes!"
 * Appearing to the New Kid in Forensics Room of Park County Police station
 * "Whatcha find New Kid?"
 * After being farted in the face
 * "Diabetes Destruction!"
 * "One Diabetes Rage coming up!"
 * "Here...it...goes!"
 * "Out of the way!"
 * Leaving
 * "See ya!"
 * "Later!"
 * "Journey on brave warrior, we will meet again."
 * "I fulfilled my duty and now I must depart."
 * Leaving Forensics Room of Park County Police station
 * "Brilliant detective work, Butthole!"
 * Female New Kid Idle
 * "I've never seen a boy with such a soft skin. What's your secret, New Kid?"

Battle
Captain Diabetes: "I'm afraid that's impossible!" Captain Diabetes: "Like...bubble bath?" Randy: "Gimme my FUCKIN' KEEYS!" Captain Diabetes: "I will not break the law, sir." Randy: "Gimme my FUCKIN' KEEYS!" Captain Diabetes: "I have confiscated them, sir." Captain Diabetes: "I have made a citizen's arrest of your keys." Randy: "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Captain Diabetes: "You should be fine to drive at approximately 11 AM tomorrow." Randy: "It's 11 AM somewhere!" Captain Diabetes: "I'm sorry, but I stand by my previous assessment of your fitness to operate machinery." Captain Diabetes: "Good night, Mr. Marsh!" Captain Diabetes: "I don't like the sound of that!" Captain Diabetes: "No thank you!" Call Girl: "How do you know about the Darknet, Captain?" The Coon: "Damn right, Diabetes." Captain Diabetes: "Doc says as long as I wear comfortable shoes, I should be fine!" Captain Diabetes: "Thanks, buddy!" Fastpass: "Sorry, Captain Diabetes. That's top secret." Fastpass: "You mean all day or just in the last five seconds?" Captain Diabetes: "Oh wow, I didn't even get to play this game last time." Human Kite: "Well, it did." Human Kite: "Yes, Captain. We saw it." Captain Diabetes: ​"No problem, Human Kite! Maybe later we can hang out at the mall or something." Captain Diabetes: "I will, valued ally!" Human Kite: "OK, calm down." Human Kite: "Podiatrist? Is he like the Alfred to your Batman?" Human Kite: "Jesus, Scott." Captain Diabetes: "Sorry, I got a little carried away." Human Kite: "Well, it's kind of hard to miss when you aim just by looking." Captain Diabetes: "Well, now that you put it that way, how could you ever miss?" Human Kite: "Uh, sure. I can tell you all about it someday." Captain Diabetes: "Hear that, guys? Human Kite and Captain Diabetes are like best friends now!" Human Kite: "I still feel pretty aligned, but thanks." Peppermint Hippo Stripper: "Who are you calling ugly, you little prick?" Professor Chaos: "Oh, but I am, Captain Diabetes, and I'm going to enjoy watching you pee yourself!" Captain Diabetes: ​"Nah, I'm just naturally swole." Captain Diabetes: ​"We should hang out more often. I'd love to show you." Professor Chaos: ​"Sure! You can be my Admiral Anarchy!" Randy: ​"Leave Sharon outta this, you little prick!" Captain Diabetes: ​"Captain Diabetes does not make special arrangements for diabetic villains!" Captain Diabetes: "Thanks, Super Craig!" Super Craig: "Yeah, whatever." Captain Diabetes: ​"There! Nobody drinks and drives on Captain Diabetes' watch!" Super Craig: "Maybe we should pull his pants up now." Super Craig: "Lights, teeth, whatever." Super Craig: "I would rather die." Super Craig: "If by nudge you mean punch the shit out of, sure." Captain Diabetes: "Um, OK. I'll just be over here taking notes on your technique, Super Craig!" Super Craig: "Not much to it. Punch and punch again. Jot that down if you want." Super Craig: "If it pisses off at least one shithead, it's productive." Super Craig: "Nobody cares, dude." Captain Diabetes: "Gosh. Thanks, valued ally!" Super Craig: "OK, dial it back." Super Craig: "You hit someone?" Captain Diabetes: "Thanks, Super Craig! Hey, you wanna hang out, play D&D or something?" Super Craig: "Yeah, no." Super Craig: "Check your meter, Scott, because you're fucking delirious." Captain Diabetes: "Thanks for noticing, Super Craig!" Wonder Tweek: "Did he say that?" Super Craig: "No!" Professor Chaos: "You wish, Diabetes!" Captain Diabetes: "Does not!" Professor Chaos: "Does too!" Captain Diabetes: "Nuh uh!" Professor Chaos: "Yeah huh!" Captain Diabetes: "Does not!" Professor Chaos: "Does too!" Captain Diabetes: "Nuh uh!" Professor Chaos: "Yeah huh!" Super Craig: "Oh my god, will you shitheads fucking stop already?" Toolshed: "Uh... Nah, dude I'm busy, sorry." Captain Diabetes: "How about tomorrow?" Toolshed: "Cool, Scott." Toolshed: "Thanks, Captain Diabetes! You can be my deputy." Toolshed: "Yeah, OK...thanks." Captain Diabetes: "Aw, thanks Tupperware!" Captain Diabetes: "At ease, Wonder Tweek!" Captain Diabetes: "Watch your language, Santa!"
 * Selected
 * "The Captain is in!"
 * "Captain Diabetes!"
 * "To battle!"
 * Battle start, versus Peppermint Hippo strippers, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Stand down, ladies! We're here for Classi!"
 * Turn start
 * "My turn!"
 * "Diabetes time!"
 * "Here we go!"
 * "Captain on deck!"
 * "Captain Diabetes prepares to strike!"
 * "Captain Diabetes is back in action!"
 * "Duty calls!"
 * "Captain Diabetes, into the fray!"
 * "You're no match for Captain Diabetes!"
 * "ONE! TWO! DIABETESSSS!!!!"
 * "Juice, give me strength!"
 * "I will defeat you!"
 * "Oh, I'm up? Sorry, I'm a little lightheaded."
 * "Behold the true power of Diabetes!"
 * Turn start and using Sugar Rush
 * "Make way for Diabetes!"
 * Turn start, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Watch and learn, Sidekick!"
 * "You're no match for Captain Diabetes and his trusty Sidekick!"
 * "Stand back, Sidekick! I'll take care of this!"
 * "I'll hold them off, Sidekick!"
 * Turn start, versus Brad and Roger, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "You got your dance, you smelly old men. No refunds!"
 * "Let's expedite this combat, Sidekick! Classi can't wait!"
 * Turn start, versus Peppermint Hippo strippers, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "There's no reason for this to get ugly!"
 * "Hepatitis is no match for the power of Diabetes!"
 * Turn start, versus Buca De Faggonchini chefs, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "My first battle as a Coon Friend!"
 * "Sorry to break up the pizza party!"
 * Turn start, versus Red Wine Drunk Randy, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "I will save you from yourself!"
 * Turn start, versus Chaos Kids Round 1, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
 * "Diabetes does not fear Chaos!"
 * Turn start, versus Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
 * "Your mech doesn't scare me, Chaos!"
 * Call Girl turn start
 * "I'm sure everyone on the message boards is rooting for you, Call Girl!"
 * New Kid turn start
 * "Now you're gonna get it."
 * "I'm counting on you, partner!"
 * "Show them what you're made of, Butthole!"
 * "You've got this, Butthole!"
 * New Kid turn start, versus Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Stop him, Sidekick!"
 * "Attack!"
 * New Kid turn start, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "You can't stand up to my trusty Sidekick!"
 * "Show them what you're made of, Sidekick!"
 * "Take them down, Sidekick!"
 * "Get them, Sidekick!"
 * "Go on, Sidekick! Kick their ass!"
 * The Coon turn start, The Coon at low health
 * "Coon won't last long at this rate!"
 * New wave, versus Peppermint Hippo strippers, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "We can't let her get away, Sidekick!"
 * "We need to get to Classi before the stripper horde overwhelms us!"
 * "Keep heading towards Classi!"
 * "Press on, Sidekick!"
 * "We've got to catch Classi! Down the hallway, Sidekick, quickly!"
 * "Head for the end of the hallway!"
 * Turn start, Spontaneous Bootay on field, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Stay away from Spontaneous Bootay!"
 * "Steer clear of that ass!"
 * "Look out! Her ass is DEATH!"
 * Idle
 * "Hmm, what to do..."
 * "I must strategize carefully."
 * "It sure is great hanging out with you guys."
 * Idle versus Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "We must save this citizen... from himself!"
 * Ally idle
 * "Is it my turn yet?"
 * "Did you guys know insulin comes from pigs?"
 * "I don't know why everyone doesn't use insulin to gain super strength."
 * "Hey, you guys wanna watch a movie at my place after this?"
 * Ally idle, versus Red Wine Drunk Randy, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "We'll never give you your keys! NEVER!"
 * Toolshed idle
 * "You gonna go, Stan?"
 * After attacking
 * "Oh, wow. You see what I just did, guys?"
 * "Pretend that really hurt. My friends are watching."
 * After attacking Peppermint Hippo stripper, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Do you think she's OK? Don't tell Coon I said that."
 * After self or ally attacking Drunk Randy Marsh, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "You really need to sign up for AA, Mr. Marsh."
 * After defeating enemy using Coma Combo
 * "And let THAT be your lesson to never underestimate the power of Diabetes!"
 * After using Coma Combo and Insulin Shock
 * "Don't you know how to read a room? Next time leave before things get awkward."
 * "That's how Captain Diabetes deals with personal-space invaders!"
 * Using Sugar Rush
 * "Sugar Rush!"
 * "Diabetes coming through!"
 * "Sugaaaaaaaaaar ruuuuuuuuuush!"
 * "Sugar Ruuuuuuussh!"
 * "Sugar SMASH!"
 * "This is for my own good."
 * "I feel sugar coursing through my veins!"
 * Using Sugar Rush, versus Chaos Kid, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
 * "Die, despicable minion!"
 * Using Sugar Rush, versus Peppermint Hippo strippers, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Coming through, ladies."
 * Using Sugar Rush and Insulin Shock
 * "Diabeetus!"
 * Using Sugar Rush, Insulin Shock, and High-Fructose Death Wave
 * "Hell yes!"
 * "Yeah!"
 * "Smash!"
 * "Take this!"
 * After using Sugar Rush
 * "That's got the old insulin pump pumping!"
 * "You clearly deserved that."
 * After using Sugar Rush versus Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "I'm shielded!"
 * "Now I've got a shield that will absorb damage!"
 * After using Coma Combo and Sugar Rush and after Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch
 * "Punching, for great justice!"
 * After using Sugar Rush and Insulin Shock
 * "Maybe we can be pals after you check out of the E.R..."
 * "See guys! Captain Diabetes is cool!"
 * Using Insulin Shock
 * "Take a load on!"
 * "Insulin shock!"
 * "Diabetic rage!"
 * "Insulin flows through me!"
 * "Diabetes Rage!"
 * "Rage!"
 * "Surf's up!"
 * "Upsy-daisy!"
 * "Feel the power of Diabetes!"
 * "Diabetic...Rage...!"
 * "Take...this...!"
 * After using Insulin Shock
 * "You need to make better friends. Hey, I'm available!"
 * "There, now you have some breathing room."
 * "I hate to brag. You guys can all discuss how awesome that was."
 * "Pardon me. Excuse me. Beg your pardons."
 * "You could've left quietly on your own, but noooooo."
 * Using High-Fructose Death Wave
 * "High-Fructose Death Wave!"
 * "I'm not responsible for what happens next!"
 * After ally attacking
 * "Brutal! But deserved!"
 * "Impressive move, hero!"
 * "Not even my podiatrist can save that villain."
 * "They'll want to apply some light pressure to those wounds."
 * "Captain Diabetes approves!"
 * After ally using healing move
 * "Show 'em who's boss!"
 * After ally attacking Red Wine Drunk Randy, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "I'm keeping your keys, and that's final."
 * After Call Girl using Selfie-Stick Strike
 * "Back up those photos! They will be historical documents after we save the town!"
 * After Call Girl using Blocked
 * "Ha! That combatant will have to go play outside now."
 * "That's why I'm very careful about what I post on social media."
 * After Call Girl using Phone Destroyer
 * "And their life is laid bare for public scrutiny and ridicule."
 * After the Coon attacking
 * "They never show that kind of stuff on wildlife shows."
 * After the Coon using Coon Lunge
 * "They should've moved if they didn't want to get all scratched up."
 * After Human Kite using Laser Burn
 * "Whoa! Lasers!"
 * "Now that's how you give the stink eye."
 * After Human Kite using Laser Burn and Wrath of Kite
 * "Keep fighting the good fight, Human Kite!"
 * After Mosquito attacking
 * "You should really swab your mouth-tube thing down with alcohol between meals."
 * "The old slurp and swap. Nice one, Mosquito!"
 * "If that doesn't make them reevaluate their life choices, well nothing will."
 * After Mysterion using Dark Whisper
 * "You really put the fear of Mysterion into them, Mysterion."
 * After New Kid attacking
 * "Well done, Butthole!"
 * "I like your style, New Kid!"
 * "Show them who's boss, New Kid."
 * "Butthole's busting some butts!"
 * "Striking a blow for justice! I love it!"
 * "Yuck. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."
 * "Nice one, New Kid!"
 * "That's some nice superheroing!"
 * After New Kid using Brutalist ability
 * "Physical damage! My favorite."
 * "Smash them, Butthole!"
 * After New Kid using Speedster ability
 * "Look at Butthole go!"
 * "Holy shit, you're fast!"
 * "I like a move with knockback, for sure!"
 * After New Kid using Hyperspace Fury
 * "Way to swing those meathooks, Butthole!"
 * After New Kid using Backfire Blast
 * "Burn in hell, villians!"
 * "Oh! That will require a cold compress."
 * "Such incredible fire-power, Butthole!"
 * After Professor Chaos using Chaos Blast
 * "You creamed him with Chaos!"
 * "Well struck, Professor!"
 * After Professor Chaos using Hammer of Chaos
 * "Must feel good to get all that Chaos out of your system, Professor!"
 * After Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch
 * "You turned their grey matter into ground chuck!"
 * "We are definitely on the same page when it comes to punching villainy into submission."
 * After Super Craig using Shining Hate Finger
 * "They really flip out when you flip them off, Super Craig."
 * "Now they're pissed. This calls for a knee-jerk reaction, villians!"
 * After Super Craig using Omega Crash Extra
 * "I swear, the bad guys are getting stupider every day."
 * "Captain Diabetes approves of that move!"
 * After Toolshed using Spiral Power
 * "You got the drop on them, quick draw!"
 * After Toolshed using Drillslinger
 * "I've got lots of tools at my house. Want to go play with my dad's table saw?"
 * After Tupperware using Tupper Tornado
 * "Serves them right for standing in your way!"
 * After Wonder Tweek using Icicle Strike
 * "You'll want to apply some warn compresses to those injuries."
 * "That ought to numb their extremities."
 * After Wonder Tweek using Supreme Lightning
 * "I felt that in my fillings."
 * "A little electro-shock therapy never hurt anybody, right?"
 * "A good Zap might knock them onto the straight and narrow."
 * "Good thing I'm wearing my rubber underpants today."
 * "You might've shocked some sense into those ne'er-do-wells."
 * After a Timefart Glitch, versus Red Wine Drunk Randy, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Zounds! You've done it again, ButtLord!"
 * After a Timefart Summon
 * "Let me know if your time twin wants to hang out."
 * "Wish I could fart up a friend like that."
 * Targeted by Kite Shield
 * "Thanks!"
 * "Hey, thanks!"
 * Defeating enemy
 * "Hah, I got 'em!"
 * "There, there. Don't get up."
 * "Did you guys see that?!"
 * Dog defeated, Operation: Blind Justice or The Hundred Hands of Chaos
 * "You barked up the wrong tree!"
 * Enemy defeated
 * "We got these guys!"
 * "Hah! These guys are no match for us!"
 * "You lose, you snooze."
 * "Nighty-night."
 * "And that's what you get when you mess with Captain Diabetes!"
 * Peppermint Hippo stripper defeated, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Another beauty bites the dust!"
 * "We're really very sorry it had to come to violence, ladies!"
 * "Do you think she's okay? Don't tell Coon I said that."
 * Healing
 * "We need you to stay lucid!"
 * Healing item on ally
 * "Here!"
 * Healed
 * "Oh yeah, that's what I needed."
 * "I feel like a million bucks."
 * "Thanks for the help!"
 * "Captain Diabetes is grateful to you."
 * Healed and shielded
 * "Oh, thanks!"
 * Shielded
 * "Thanks!"
 * Reviving
 * "On your feet, soldier."
 * "If only diabetes were cured so easily!"
 * Attacked
 * "Well struck, combatant! But Diabetes will prevail!"
 * "Your attacks only fuel my rage!"
 * "Stop hitting me! I bruise easy!"
 * "Hit me again and see what happens."
 * "Oh, shit!"
 * "I didn't even feel a thing!"
 * "Captain Diabetes is unhurt! Mostly."
 * "You can't phase a chronic sufferer."
 * "Yes, yes, feed my rage."
 * "I've has stubbed toes that hurt worse."
 * "You call whatever that was an attack?"
 * "Ha! It'll take more than that to slow down Captain Diabetes!"
 * "Ha! Captain Diabetes laughs at your pitiful attack!"
 * "That all you got?"
 * "Keep pushing me, creep."
 * Attacked by Brad or Roger, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Hey! Didn't your parents teach you not to hit strippers?"
 * Attacked by Peppermint Hippo stripper, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Get to cover! It's rainin' pussy!"
 * Ally attacked
 * "That doesn't look so good."
 * "Leave our friend alone, fiend!"
 * "The nerve of that villain!"
 * New Kid attacked by Peppermint Hippo stripper, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Whoa, mama! Lay off my sidekick!"
 * Ally defeated
 * "Aw, man."
 * "Oh no! We lost a hero!"
 * "Suffering Saccharine! He needs help!"
 * "Rage... rising. Must maintain control... For everyone's sake."
 * Ally defeated, before joining Freedom Pals
 * "Captain Diabetes will avenge you, fellow Coon and Friend!"
 * The Coon defeated
 * "Never fear, Coon, Diabetes will avenge you!"
 * New Kid defeated
 * "I will avenge you, Butthole!"
 * New Kid defeated, versus Brad and Roger, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "Oh no! Sidekick! I never should have made you do a lap dance!"
 * Ally Bleeding
 * "Someone's feeling pretty woozy right about now, and for once it's not me!"
 * Confused
 * "What year is it? Who's president?"
 * "Anyone else's vision going all wah-wah-wah-wah right now?"
 * Enemy Charmed
 * "Wow, you're really good at making friends!"
 * Enemy Enraged
 * "That's got 'em a little stirred up..."
 * Grossed Out
 * "Anyone else feel nauseous after that, or is it just time for my insulin shot?"
 * "Noooooo! [barfs]"
 * "Oh... Oh my god!"
 * "Please pardon Captain Diabetes, while he desperately tries not to throw up."
 * Enemy Shocked
 * "Oh, you should be shocked, villains!"
 * Ally or enemy Slowed
 * "Say, you've put on some weight."
 * Victory
 * "All your base are belongs to us!"
 * "For truth, justice, and everyone who's ever hung out with me!"
 * "Just doing my duty!"
 * "We did it, friends!"
 * "There! Another victory in the name of justice and diabetes!"
 * Victory, after joining Freedom Pals
 * "Retribution, but with Inclusion!"
 * Victory, versus Brad and Roger, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "See the manager if you have any complaints about your lap-dance experience at the Peppermint Hippo, gentlemen. Adieu."
 * Victory, versus Buca De Faggonchini chefs, The Bowels of the Beast
 * "All right! All the carbs we can eat!"
 * Dialogue
 * With Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh, Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh turn start, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Randy: "GIVE ME MY GODDAMN KEYS!"
 * With Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh, Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh turn start, first turn, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Randy: "Oh hey, the wife needs me to pick up some feminine products, so keys, please."
 * Randy: "We could all go to the store together! YOU...you drive!"
 * With Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh, Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh turn start, second turn, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Randy: "Hey, I think I dropped my keys. Anyone seen 'em?"
 * With Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh, Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh using Fist Magic, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Randy: "Wait, why are we fighting again?"
 * Randy: "I'm fine to drive! I'm fi- OK... OK... OK... Now I'm fine."
 * With Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh, after Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh using Party Foul, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Randy: "OK there. I wasn't good to drive...before, but now I am. Thanks for... Thanks for having my back, now let me have my key."
 * With Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh, Beer-Drunk Randy Marsh defeated, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Randy: "I'll get those keys right after this short little nap."
 * With Buca De Faggonchini chef, Buca De Faggonchini cook using Tenderizer, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Cook "Hey kid, you ever been spatchcocked before?"
 * With Buca De Faggonchini chef, attacked, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Cook: "You want a Crème Fraîche Bukakke with that?"
 * With Call Girl, after Call Girl using Blocked
 * Captain Diabetes: "Retreat to the Darknet from which you crawled, fiend!"
 * With The Coon, after The Coon using Coon Pounce
 * Captain Diabetes: "Looking sharp, Coon!"
 * With The Coon, after using Sugar Rush
 * The Coon: "Way to move those feet while you still have 'em."
 * With Fastpass, after using Sugar Rush and Insulin Shock
 * Fastpass: "Topping off your offense with a little defense? Pretty smart!"
 * With Fastpass, Fastpass attacking
 * Captain Diabetes: "What kind of juice do you drink? 'Cause I'll have whatever you're having."
 * With Fastpass, after Fastpass attacking
 * Captain Diabetes: "Boy, how many juice boxes do you need to chug to keep those energy levels?"
 * With High Jew Elf Kyle, battle start, Farts of Future Past
 * High Jew Elf Kyle: "Our King won't let you pass!"
 * With Human Kite, after attacking Human Kite, Alternate Universes Collide Again
 * Captain Diabetes: "I hope that didn't hurt too badly, Human Kite!"
 * With Human Kite, after attacking
 * Captain Diabetes: "Oh, wow. You see what I just did, guys?"
 * With Human Kite, after using Coma Combo
 * Human Kite: "Thanks, Captain!"
 * With Human Kite, after using Insulin Shock
 * Human Kite: "Yes! Take the fight to them!"
 * With Human Kite, after ally attacking
 * Captain Diabetes: "Not even my podiatrist can save that villain."
 * With Human Kite, after New Kid using Backfire Blast
 * Captain Diabetes: "Burn in hell, villains!"
 * With Human Kite, after Human Kite using Laser Burn
 * Captain Diabetes: "You're some marksman, Human Kite!"
 * Captain Diabetes: "I'd love to hear more about that heat vision of yours, Human Kite."
 * With Human Kite, Human Kite attacked
 * Captain Diabetes: "I think they knocked your spars out of alignment, Human Kite."
 * With Peppermint Hippo stripper, turn start, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Captain Diabetes: "There's no reason for this to get ugly!"
 * With Professor Chaos, turn start, Chaos Minion Round 1, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
 * Captain Diabetes: "You're not getting away with this, Professor Chaos!"
 * With Professor Chaos, after using Coma Combo
 * Professor Chaos: "Well, you must spend all day pumping iron, Cap."
 * With Professor Chaos, after using Sugar Rush
 * Professor Chaos: "I don't know how you do it, Captain!"
 * With Red Wine Drunk Randy, battle start, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Captain Diabetes: "You're being unreasonable, Mr. Marsh. Let me call your wife."
 * With Red Wine Drunk Randy, turn start, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Randy: "Wait, wait, wait! I'm uh... I'm a diabetic too, so don't hit me!"
 * With Red Wine Drunk Randy and Super Craig, Super Craig turn start, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Super Craig: "If you want Diabetes, you're gonna have to go through me."
 * With Red Wine Drunk Randy and Super Craig, Red Wine Drunk Randy defeated, The Bowels of the Beast
 * Randy: "All right, I'm gonna take a cab."
 * With Super Craig, Super Craig turn start
 * Captain Diabetes: "Knock their lights out!"
 * With Super Craig, after Super Craig attacking
 * Captain Diabetes: "You and me should do some of that crossfit stuff, Super Craig."
 * With Super Craig, after Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch
 * Captain Diabetes: "Sometimes those villains just need a little nudge, eh, Super Craig?"
 * With Super Craig, after Super Craig using Shining Hate Finger
 * Captain Diabetes: "Is that really the most productive behavior right now?"
 * With Super Craig, after Super Craig using Omega Crush Extra
 * Captain Diabetes: "Yeah, I got a move like that too."
 * With Super Craig, after attacking
 * Super Craig: "You fight all sloppy and shit, but you get the job done."
 * Captain Diabetes: "Oh, wow. You see what I just did, guys?"
 * Super Craig: "I like your style."
 * With Super Craig, after using Coma Combo
 * Captain Diabetes: "You should feel honored! You just got walloped by one of the world's most popular superheroes!"
 * With Super Craig, attacked
 * Super Craig: "You know how to take a hit, Diabetes."
 * With Super Craig and Wonder Tweek, Wonder Tweek defeated
 * Captain Diabetes: "Wonder Tweek, no! The world needs you, Super Craig needs you!"
 * With Super Craig, versus Chaos Minions Round 1, The Hundred Hands of Chaos, idle
 * Captain Diabetes: "Professor! It's not too late to lay down your minions!"
 * Professor Chaos: "Ha-ha! Behold, my minions! Chaos grips their soul and tears them apart!"
 * With Toolshed, ally idle
 * Captain Diabetes: "Hey, you guys wanna watch a movie at my place after this? Stan?"
 * Captain Diabetes: "Did you guys know insulin comes from pigs?"
 * With Toolshed, after Toolshed using Spiral Power
 * Captain Diabetes: "There's a new sheriff in town, and his name is Toolshed."
 * With Toolshed, after Toolshed using Drillslinger
 * Captain Diabetes: "Captain Diabetes salutes you, Toolshed!"
 * With Tupperware, attacked
 * Tupperware: "Protect yourself, Captain. You're vital to the cause!"
 * With Wonder Tweek, after using Coma Combo
 * Wonder Tweek: "I salute you, Captain!"
 * With Santa, Santa attacked, Farts of Future Past
 * Santa: "You son of a bitch!"
 * With Jared, after he speaks, The Thin White Line
 * "Sorry, sir, but I don't take food from strangers."
 * "Captain Diabetes says: Eww!"
 * "No, thank you!"

Trivia

 * Captain Diabetes is the only former member of Coon and Friends to say the Freedom Pals' motto "Retribution, but with Inclusion" after a victory when they join Freedom Pals following the events of The Thin White Line.
 * His victory quote, "All your base are belongs to us!" is a direct reference to the popular internet meme known as "AYBABT", a mistranslated phrase from the Sega Mega Drive game Zero Wing.